


Sunshine Follows Thunder (Hiatus)

by OblivionsGarden



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 17:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7766461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OblivionsGarden/pseuds/OblivionsGarden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1996 and Teddy arrives in Stamford. She's searching for a certain someone hoping to start a fresh start. But things are never that easy are they? Finn/Oc...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Begining

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder  
_ **Chapter title -** _The Beginning  
_ **Author -** _OblivionsGarden  
_ **Genre -** _Romance/Drama  
_ **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy._

 

* * *

Stamford, Lincolnshire. It was...Nice. Not as bad as I was expecting. The weather was warm, for England, so I'd removed my denim jacket leaving me in just a thin, brown, long sleeved shirt. My brand new Liam Gallagher style shades sat on the bridge of my nose, giving the town a dark purple tint.  
 _What was I doing in Stamford?_ Good question. I was looking for someone. My dad had finally, after almost seventeen years, got fed up of me and my strange ways. He'd given me the address of my birth mother, _whom he'd told me had died when I was young_ , and told me to leave. _Prick_. But it wasn't my mum I was looking for. Not just yet.

"Oh, sorry." In my daydreaming I'd walked straight into a tall boy with short hair.  
"Raemundo!" He grinned squinting against the sunlight. He opened his mouth to speak again before frowning. "Sorry, thought you were someone else." He brushed past and carried on down the street, occasionally throwing glances back at me, over his shoulder. I could hear my heart beat pounding in my ears. _Raemundo_. He knew her.

Acting on impulse I turned on my heel and followed in his footsteps. The boy greeted a few other people as he walked, eventually turning into a chip shop. I had to dart into the newsagents so he wouldn't see me. When I was sure he wasn't near the window I moved closer and peered in. He sat on the far side of the room, facing the windows beside a ginger haired girl and a boy with glasses. Three people sat opposite them with their backs to me, a girl with long brown hair, a larger framed girl with black hair and a boy in a leather jacket. The boy I walked into was talking to the larger girl, gesturing wildly with his hands, pointing at her face. Must be her. _Rachel Earl_.

My hands and breath were shaky as I entered the chip shop. The man behind the counter smiled, obviously expecting me to place an order. I continued forward, each step seeming like a mile. The boy with glasses looked up, locking eyes with me.  
"Oh my god." His mouth hung open as the rest of the group turned to look at me.  
"That's her!" The other boy whispered.  
I moved my gaze to Rachel who's eyes were increasing in size as she stared at me.

I don't blame her. It must've been like looking into one of those mirrors that you get at funfairs that make you look funny. I was, after all, her twin sister. Not identical. I was shorter, that much was clear and my frame was smaller, but that wasn't really down to genetics. She was standing now, stepping closer to me as her friends watched.  
"You...You look just like me." Her voice was soft and confused.  
"Yeah." My voice came out in a gasp.

I glanced past her to her friends. There was no way in hell she'd want to know me. She was tall and beautiful and she had a group of friends. She seemed confident and gave off the impression she'd be a laugh. Then there was me. I was short and weird and shy and I was fucked up in so many ways that she'd never understand.  
"Who are you?"  
"Teddy."  
"Teddy?" She snorted at the name and I felt my face heat up.  
"Teddy...Earl."  
"What?"  
"You're my...I mean, I'm...We're sisters. Twins." Her face said it all. She was a picture of confused disbelief. "Sorry, I can't do this."

I turned away from her and ran back through the door. I didn't know where I was running to, I'd never been to Lincolnshire before but there was no way I was going to stop. And I was not catching the train home either. Eventually I found myself in a children's park. With a sigh I sat down on one of the battered swings, smirking slightly at how movie like this was.

It was late afternoon when I first sat on that swing. I watched children come and go and people with dogs pass through until darkness fell. It was then I heard someone approach. I could hear their shoes crunching on the gravel of the pathway before they reached the weird foamy surface beneath the swings. I turned my head to see Rachel sit on the swing beside me.

"Why are you crying?" She asked. I swiped at my face with the sleeve of my shirt with a shrug. I turned my face away, hating it when people saw me cry. "Are you really my sister?"  
I nodded. "Dad told me for years that mum died when we were young and you were sent to a kids home cause he couldn't take care of two kids." I admitted. "Shit excuse if you ask me."  
"What was he like?" She was staring down at her converse.  
"Honestly?" She nodded. "He was a complete prick. You got off easy." I frowned. "Well, depending on what mum's like."  
"She varies. Some time's she's great and other times...Well, she's a complete prick." A soft smile graced her features and I returned it.  
"It's really weird looking at you, Rachel."  
"Rae. People call me Rae."  
"Sorry."  
"What's Teddy short for?"  
"Theodora. I hate it."  
Rae laughed. "So we're twins who have shit relationships with our parents and hate our names."  
"Guess twins have stuff in common even if they've never met, then." I used my feet to turn the swing around, coiling the chains together.  
"Why did you run off earlier?"  
I lifted my feet, the swing spinning round at a high speed making me dizzy. When I finally returned to normal I closed my eyes to stop my vision from blurring. "I'm fucked up, Rae. You don't need me coming here and making this difficult. You have a life and a group of friends."  
"How fucked up?" I stayed silent. "Teddy...Tell me. Please."  
"I got out of hospital a month ago." I hadn't ever spoken to anyone about my problems. "I'm supposed to go to the local one around here and give them my details. My therapist wants me to be able to talk to someone. Just another stiff in a suit." I leant my head on one of the chains, feeling it was safe to open my eyes now.  
"Kester."  
"What?"  
"One of the therapists. Dr. Gill. He let's you call him Kester." She turned to face me now. "He's my therapist... Why exactly were you in hospital?"  
"I..." I breathed in deep, exhaling through my nose. "I wasn't being very nice to myself." I said in a sarcastic tone. It's what my dad's girlfriend used to say when she first saw the cuts. I rolled up my sleeves and held my arms out so Rae could see them. The inside of my wrists were littered with scars. Some were still red or dark pink, others were almost faded. The most prominent were the ones that ran from the heel of my hand to my inner elbow. My suicide attempt.

And then I felt sick. Rae smiled. She actually smiled. She saw my scars and laughed in my face. I shook my head, tugging my sleeves down over my hands. I stood up, grabbing my jacket from where I'd dropped it to the floor and made to leave.  
"Wait, Teddy." I stopped but didn't turn. "Look." She grabbed my shoulder and forced me to turn around. She pushed up the sleeves of her leather jacket. More scars before my eyes.  
"Impossible."  
"Why do you think I have a therapist?" She sighed in amusement. "How could two people who've never met be so alike?"  
"Maybe it's in the genes."  
"What being a bit mental." She laughed and for the first time in a while I found myself doing the same. And I mean real laughter not the forced stuff to make people think you're getting better.

She gestured for me to walk with her and so I did, pulling my denim jacket back on as we went.  
"So, didn't mum ever tell you about me?" I asked, kicking a stone across the path.  
"No."  
"Oh...Dad didn't really speak much about you either. Just said you got fostered a few years ago."  
"Can't believe he told you mum was dead."  
"I was more shocked when he told me she wasn't."  
Rae laughed again. "Why have you come to Stamford anyway?"  
"Dad had enough of me. Just gave me your address and told me to leave."  
"Prick."  
"Exactly." I smiled. "All my stuff is in a locker at the train station."  
"Let's go home first. Then mum can drive us to pick it up."  
"Mum...What do you think she'll say?"  
"Only one way to find out."


	2. Human Nature

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder  
_ **Chapter title -** _Human Nature  
_ **Author** **-** _OblivionsGarden  
_ **Genre -** _Romance/Drama  
_ **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy._

* * *

"Mum?" Rae called out into the house. She moved forward and I followed, softly closing the door behind me. "Mum? Oh..." Frowning I leant around Rae to see a foreign looking man staring up at us from the sofa. "Teddy, this is Karim. Mum's, er...Husband."  
"Hello." I smiled shyly.  
"Hello. It is...er, nice to meet you."  
"He's not very good at English. Arabic and French." Rae whispered.  
"Oh. Erm...Bonjour je m'appelle, Teddy." Rae frowned, bemused as Karim grinned. I shrugged. "GCSE french. I know the basics."  
"Well, ask him where mum is."  
"Erm...m re?" I pointed at Rae hoping he'd get the gist.  
"A l' tage. Le Chambre." He answered.  
"What?" Rae frowned.  
"I think he said upstairs. Bedroom."  
"Merci." I smiled once more, following Rae up the stairs.

"Mum?"  
"Bedroom." The voice came from the slightly ajar door at the end of the hall.

Rae went in, gesturing for me to follow but I couldn't move my feet. Instead I stayed where I was listening to them talk.  
"Mum...I met someone today. A girl."  
"Right..." She sounded confused.  
"A girl who is the spitting image of me...Could be twins." There was a silence before Rae continued. "Well...Actually we are twins as it happens."  
"Rae, I-"  
"Whatever. Teddy?" Rae appeared in the doorway, grabbing my hand and pulling me in.  
"Theodora?" Mum stood from her dressing table, striding over to me. "You look so different."  
"I'm not seven years old." I answered. "Why didn't you tell Rae she had a sister?"  
"I didn't want to. I didn't think we'd ever see you or your dad again."  
"You know he told me you were dead?"  
She sat back down on the end of her bead in shock. I glanced at Rae who was watching her mum closely. "He's a piece of work your father."  
"I know. I live with him. Well...I did."  
"What do you mean?"  
"He kicked her out." Rae answered. "I was thinking...Since she is my sister..."  
"She can live with us. If she wants to."  
"Really?"  
"Of course! It'll be nice to have the family together finally. Well, except your dad."  
"Thanks."

* * *

Mum drove us to the train station so I could pick up my things. Rae helped me carry my bags as mum picked up my leather guitar case.  
"Do you play, then?" Rae asked.  
"Yeah. My first therapist, Dr. Baker, said that writing songs would help. I'm not really good at talking about things in normal conversation, y'know?"  
"Yeah, I know someone else who isn't too good with words." Rae smiled and I wondered who she was talking about.  
"Hold on a minute. Therapist?" Mum caught up with us as we left the station.  
"She's like me, mum. She's going to take her information to Kester tomorrow. Aren't you?"  
"Yeah." I frowned a little. "Is he helpful?"  
"He's kind of messed up himself. It makes you feel more normal, you know what I mean?"  
"Good."  
"I'll introduce you to the gang aswell."  
"The gang? The ones you were in the chippy with?"  
"Yeah. You'll love 'em."

I gulped at the prospect of having to meet new people and make new friends. I was never any good at making friends. Friends expect you to chat and have fun whereas I always sit in silence, not wanting to say something wrong and get laughed at.  
"Don't look so worried. You'll fit in, I promise." Rae practically read my mind as we climbed into the car and set off for home.

* * *

I slept on the floor of Rae's bedroom that night, with the promise that Karim would paint the spare room over the weekend for me. I did say there was no need but Rae shushed me and told me to make the most of their kindness. It doesn't last forever since most of the time they lock themselves in the bedroom and hump each others brains out. Lovely...

"Rae...Do your friends know?"  
"About being ill?"  
"Mm."  
"Yeah. I admitted it at my mum's wedding a few weeks ago."  
"And they're still your friends..." I frowned.  
"Yeah. Told you they're nice. Why, anyway?"  
"I've only ever told one person...I say told, more like they read my diary and freaked out. She said she didn't want to be around someone who was mentally sick. She must've thought she could catch it something."  
"Stupid twat." Rae chuckled softly. "So you keep a diary?"  
"Sort of. My therapist said to but I always forget to update it." I rolled onto my back, staring up at the blank white ceiling. "Most of it's just song lyrics anyway."  
"I keep a diary. It helps."  
"Yeah? Maybe I'll write more in mine then."

* * *

The next morning we went straight to the hospital where I gave all my details and they called my ex therapist to have him send over all my records. As we were stood in the reception area, Rae turned and a big grin spread across her face.  
"Tix, you're out of bed!"  
I turned to see a fragile looking girl in baggy brown trousers and a big blue jumper. She had a short, pixie style hair cut and was walking at a slow pace. She unfolded her arms as she came over and I noticed a tube stuck into the back of her hand.  
"Getting back to but...Surely." She seemed a little breathless as she spoke and it was no secret that she'd been seriously ill recently.  
"That's brilliant...Oh, this is Teddy. My sister." Rae noticed her curious staring.  
"You never said you had a sister."  
"I didn't know until yesterday." Rae smiled, as a bald man came walking down the corridor.  
"Hello Rae. Tix, good to see you up."  
"Thanks Kester."

"Ah, Doctor Gill." The reception lady called the man over as I moved off closer to Rae.  
"That's Kester then?" I asked. Rae and Tix began to talk about him and how he does actually help, unlike other doctors around here. He seemed OK, even gave me a smile as he looked over my details.

Eventually he gestured for me to follow him. Rae promised to wait in the reception room with Tix. Kester's office was plain in colour, a framed photo of Buster Keaton in the far corner by the window. Books like one wall with a desk in front of the other. He sat down on one of the cushioned chairs in the centre of the room, gesturing for me to sit in the other.  
"So, you're Theodora. Any nicknames?"  
"Teddy." I answered in a quiet voice. Why was it so easy to talk to people when you know they're family but when it's anyone else it's near impossible.  
"And clearly you're Rae's twin." I nodded. "There's no need to feel uncomfortable around me you know. Rae let's out all of her frustrations here. Even had me throwing framed pictures out of the window once."  
"No way."  
"Go and ask her if you like." I frowned, glancing up at the wall where there was one nail left sticking out.  
"Why?"  
"She didn't like them."  
"What if I said I didn't like your desk."  
"I'd say it'll be gone by your first session."  
"Oh." I smiled a little. "No need. Your desk is fine."  
He returned the smile. "Good. Is there anything you feel like getting off your chest today, or would you rather wait until your first session."  
"I'm...Fine. At the moment." It was a lie. I was more preoccupied with the fact that as soon as I was done at the hospital we were going to the pub to meet the gang. I was shitting myself. And I think Kester knew that.  
"Alright. I'll see you on Tuesday morning then. Julie on reception will give you an appointment card."  
"Thanks."

* * *

Walking to the pub felt like how I imagine walking to the gallows must've felt. Just inside was a group of people tied together by friendships, romances and years of being around. I was going to walk in and join them, unknown and unfamiliar. I might as well be an alien from mars. They were going to judge me before they knew me which means they wouldn't want to know me. Everyone does it and it's no use pretending you don't because it's basic human instinct. I do it myself. I see a girl wearing a short skirt with pink nails and presume she's easy. She could be the most modest girl with the highest morals but it's that split second pre-judgment that everyone does. Fair enough some people make the judgment and still talk to them just to see if they were right or wrong but most people presume they're right and don't bother.

"Teddy? You coming in or what?" Rae was leaning against the door, holding it open.  
"Sorry." I shuffled forward into the bar but Rae grabbed my arm.  
"Relax. They aren't like most people I promise." She pulled my along by my hand, over to the almost full table.

Three boys, two girls all looking up and judging.  
"Right, guys. This is Teddy. Turns out, I've got a twin sister who grew up with my dad." She turned and smiled at me. "This is Chloe." The brunette girl smiled warmly. "Izzy." The red haired girl who in all honesty, seemed genuinely pleased to see me. "Chop, Izzy's boyfriend." Izzy blushed at her introduction and I presumed it was a recent relationship.  
"Alright." Chop said. "I was well confused when I walked into you yesterday. I thought Rae had shrank." I chuckled a little as Rae continued.  
"This is Archie, resident rock god."  
"I-I wouldn't go that far." Archie smiled and adjusted his glasses.  
"And the ever grumpy Finn."  
"Oi." Finn frowned at Rae before shooting a small smile my way and returning to his roll up.

Rae and I sat down at the only seats left at the cramped table. There was a brief silence before Rae started talking again.  
"Archie, maybe you could do a song with Teddy. She plays guitar too." My eyes widened as I stared at Rae.  
"Really? What kind of music?"  
"Um...I'm not very good, And anything really, if it's catchy."  
"That's a thought. If you're my twin, you should have good music taste." Rae turned to me and I noticed Finn now too seemed interested.  
"Uh...Oasis. Stone Roses are pretty good...I don't know."  
"Well, I can accept those." Rae seemed satisfied with my short answer.

Chloe leant closer to me across the table. "So, where did you grow up? Did you even know you had a sister?"  
"East bridge in Suffolk. And yeah, she was mentioned but I didn't know much about her."  
"Do you want a drink? Do you even drink?" Rae interrupted.  
"Uh...I'll just have a coke for now please. " Rae dissapeared, leaving me alone with her friends.  
"I've never been to Suffolk." Izzy said thoughtfully.  
"It's crap." I noticed Finn smirk out of the corner of my eye.  
"Fair enough." Chop grinned, taking a gulp of his pint. "I think you'll fit in just nicely."


	3. Just Ask

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder  
_ **Chapter title -** _Just Ask  
_ **Author -** _OblivionsGarden  
_ **Genre -** _Romance/Drama  
_ **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own,_ Teddy and Jason.

* * *

Rae was brilliant. I'd only been here in Stamford for a week and it already felt like we'd grown up together. It was easy to talk to Rae about things, knowing she knew what I meant since she'd been through the same thing. It's harder talking to someone about self harm who has never done it because they are never truly going to understand that feeling of wanting to do it. No matter how hard they try.  
The gang were pretty epic too. Chop was such a laugh, always cracking jokes. Izzy was, as I presumed, the sweetest girl to ever exist. Chloe was a little self centered but at her heart she was there for her friends when they needed her. Archie was a great musician and asked if I'd be willing to do that duet Rae had mentioned when we met. I said perhaps, should I ever grow a big enough pair to get on stage with. That was one of the few things I said to make Finn smile. Rae was right when she said he was grumpy but there seemed to be something about him that I found interesting.  
With people like Chop, you know what's going on with them all the time. They're loud and even when they try to hide it, their feelings are usually obvious. Rae confirmed that thought when she said how she knew he and Izzy liked each other as soon as she met them. But with Finn it was hard. He was kind of quiet, smiling at little things and arguing with Rae about music. I wanted to know more about him. What he liked, what he didn't like. All the little things that made him tick. The things he keeps hidden and why he keeps them hidden. All the things that...Made him who he was.

There was one main question I wanted to ask Finn though. I just couldn't bring myself to ask it. We'd been in the pub one night and I was leant back in my chair. Rather than lean forward, I stretched my arm out to grab my snakebite. As I did the sleeve of my top slid back, revealing some of the scarring on my wrists. Finn looked from my wrist to my face but it wasn't the usual look I got from him that I got from others when they saw the scars. He seemed curious. It was like he wanted to ask me why but didn't want to offend me. I wanted to ask him why he looked at me like that but I didn't want him to think he'd upset me. The more time I spent around the gang the less I cared about my scars. Even Rae had started caring less about keeping hers covered around them.

"What?" Finn sipped self consciously at his can of cider.  
"Nothing. Sorry I was miles away." I turned my head away from staring at him,choosing instead to look at the scuffed toes of my boots.

We were sitting out on a field, not too far from the park I'd been to my first night in Lincolnshire. Most of us had been here for around an hour, we were just waiting on Chop and Archie. Chop said he was sorting something brilliant and Archie said he wanted to try something. God knows what.

I moved to lay down beside Rae, closing my eyes against the sunlight.  
"Afternoon Teddy Bear." Oh yeah. I forgot to mention, Chop christened me with a new nickname. A bit too cutesy for my personal taste but I can live with it.  
"Raemundo." I smiled. "How's the love life?"  
"Alright actually."  
"Oh yeah?"  
"Jason McCormick from school asked her on a date." Izzy interrupted.  
"Shit, Rae. When?" I rolled onto my side, propping myself up on my elbow.  
"Friday night."  
"Did you say yes?"  
"Have you seen Jason? Of course I said yes!" Rae laughed.  
"God, does anyone know when Chop and Archie are gonna get here?" Finn called over to us, sitting in a hump by himself.  
"Fed up of the girly chatter, Finn?" Chloe chuckled. Finn just shook is head at us.

Eventually Chop arrived with Archie in tow. The first thing I noticed was not the mega watt grin on Chop's face, but the battered acoustic slung around Archie's torso. He walked straight over to sit next to me, obviously noticing the terror on my face.  
"Calm down, Ted it's just a guitar. Thought we could chill, maybe have a sing song."  
"Yes! I might finally get to hear Teddy sing!" Rae grinned, sitting up.  
"You live with her." Finn frowned.  
"So?"  
"How can you not have heard her sing?"  
"She's shy..." Rae trailed off, the reasoning being obvious.

"That can wait." Chop interrupted. "Party. Saturday. My place."  
"Wicked. What kind of party?" Chloe asked.  
"As per request. A sexy party. No sleeping in my bed though, that's for me and Izzy." Chop winked at the flame haired girl causing a blush to spread across her features.  
"Question Chopper..."  
"Yes, my dear Teddy Bear?"  
"What the fuck is a sexy party?" I frowned.  
"Everyone brings a sleeping bag and no body asks any questions." Archie answered for him.  
"Oh right. I haven't had a sleepover since I was a kid." Finn chuckled behind his can as Chop pouted.  
"Shut up."

A little while later and Archie began strumming the guitar, a tune I instantly recognized as Don't Look Back In Anger by the legendary Oasis.  
"Tune." I mumbled as I lay back on the grass.  
"Sing it." Rae insisted, nudging my foot with the toe of her converse.  
"You sing it."  
"I can't sing."  
"How do you know I can?"  
"You told me."  
"I didn't say I sung well."  
"Slip inside the eye of your mind. Don't you know you might find, a better place to play." Archie sung over the top of our bickering. "You said that you'd never been. All the things that you've seen. Will slowly fade away." He glanced over his shoulder at me. "At least sing the chorus with me."

"So I'll start the revolution from my bed. Cos you said the brains I had went to my head. Step outside 'coz summertime's in bloom." Chop's tuneless voice cut through my mind making me grin despite trying not to join in.  
"Stand up beside the fireplace. Take that look from off your face. You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out."Archie and Chop now sung together and I noticed Rae watching me closely.

With a sigh, still lay on my back I began to sing softly. "So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by. Her soul slides away, But don't look back in anger, I heard you say."  
"Waaaaay!" Chop and Rae cheered together. "Do a verse, bit louder." Chop instructed, standing over me and pulling me into a seated position by my hands.

I crossed my legs, looking down and fiddling with the untied lace of my boot. "Take me to the place where you go. Where nobody knows if it's night or day."  
"Louder!" Chloe shouted. Archie chuckled beside me.  
"Please don't put your life in the hands. Of a Rock n Roll band. Who'll throw it all away." I sung now at my normal volume. Finn turned to watch Archie and I, beside each other finish the song.

"Gonna start the revolution from my bed. 'Coz you said the brains I had went to my head. Step outside 'coz summertime's in bloom. Stand up beside the fireplace, take that look from off your face. 'Coz you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out." I had to admit, our voices fit well together. We would sound pretty good if we did a proper duet together.

"So Sally can wait!" Chop and Rae joined in loudly for the chorus. "She knows it's too late as she's walking on by. My soul slides away. But don't look back in anger, I heard you say. So Sally can wait. She knows it's too late as we're walking on by. Her soul slides away. But don't look back in anger, I heard you say. So Sally can wait. She knows it's too late as she's walking on by."  
Archie and I finished the song together. "My soul slides away. But don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger, I heard you say. At least not today."

We were met with a round of applause from the whole gang. Finn had even put his can down and had a grin on his face.  
"You should, like I said, do a proper duet!" Rae was beaming. "Why don't you do a song at the pub?"  
"No." My voice cut over Archie's 'why not'. "Never in a million years will I get up on stage and sing."  
"You'll come round."  
"No I won't." I lay back down on the grass, closing my eyes once more.

* * *

"How do you go about asking someone a question that could make them think they've upset you?" I propped my feet up on the low coffee table in Kester's office.  
"Mind if I ask who and what?"  
"Finn. And I...Well he looked at my arms."  
"Your scars?"  
"Mm. But he didn't look repulsed like everyone else does."  
"Oh. How did he look?"  
"Like he wanted to know why I did it. I just want to know why he looked like that."  
"You want to know the easiest way to ask..." I nodded and Kester smiled. "Just ask."  
"That's not helpful." I pouted.  
"That's the truth. There's no easy way to ask the hard questions. You just have to go for it." Kester leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "If he thinks he upset you, just tell him he didn't."  
"Right. I'll give that a go on Saturday then."  
"What's Saturday?"  
"Sexy-...A Party."  
Kester smirked. "Well, have fun. I presume Rae's going."  
"Yeah. I think so."  
"Rae told me you sung in front of people yesterday."  
"Oh. Yeah. I sung on the park with Archie. Why?"  
"Well, according to your records you wouldn't even sing in front of your therapist a few months ago." Kester was still smiling. "You're getting more confident around people."

I frowned. He was right in a way. I'd gotten close to the gang and didn't feel like they were going to laugh at me if I said something stupid. Well...Actually they did laugh if I said something stupid but it was never malicious laughter. It was jokey friendly banter. I enjoyed it. It made me comfortable. I'd finally found people who I was happy to be myself around. Kester chuckled and I realized I'd been sat smiling to myself for the past few minutes.

"I'll take it you agree then?"  
"Maybe."

* * *

It was Saturday, finally. It was still early morning but I couldn't resist slipping back into Rae's room to see how her date went. She was seemingly fast asleep when I sat cross legged on the end of her bed. I poked her leg only for her to kick me.  
"Hey!" I groaned. "Wake up!" I poked her again, this time receiving a pillow to my head.  
"Go away."  
"How was the date?" Suddenly a grin spread across her face.  
"Brilliant."  
"Oh yeah?" I asked in a suggestive tone.  
"I'm not a slut you know." Rae sat up now, unable to keep the smile from her face.  
"But you kissed?"  
"Kissed? Full on snogged."  
"And?"  
"A bit of touching." Rae wiggled her eyebrows before we both erupted into laughter.  
"Is Jason going to Chop's party tonight?"  
"Yeah." I smiled, shaking my head. "What's up?"  
"What? Nothing." Lie. Lie. Lie. Rae raised her eyebrows. "Fine! You remember what I said about Finn looking at my arms?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Kester thinks I should just ask him about it."  
"Kester's right."  
"He always bloody is isn't he?"

* * *

Later in the day I practically destroyed my bedroom trying to find something to wear. Luckily Chloe and Izzy had decided to come and get ready at ours so I had two fashionable girls and Rae who could help me keep my own style. I ended up in knee length denim cut offs with an Oasis shirt. Chloe decided to cut the sleeves off the top making it a vest and it was then that I realized my arms were completely bare. I shrugged it off deciding to just brave the worst, pulling on my denim jacket and doc martin boots. Chloe made my hair slightly wavy and Izzy did my make up, dark and misty. I took a brief look in the mirror, deciding I'll do, since we were only going to Chop's place not some red carpet event.  
"Ready?" Chloe asked.  
I nodded with a smile."Ready."


	4. Crush

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder_  
 **Chapter title -** _Crush  
_ **Author -** _OblivionsGarden  
_ **Genre -** _Romance/Drama  
_ **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own,_ Teddy.

* * *

How Chop had managed to cram this amount of people into his house was beyond me. I squoze past body after body until I landed myself in the kitchen. Every surface seemed to be covered with some form of alcohol. I found a clear plastic cup in the sink, washed it out and made myself a snake bite.

" _I said let's all meet up in the year 2000. Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown._ " I sung along to Disco 2000 by Pulp as it blasted from the living room. I thought about trying to find someone familiar but didn't need to when Izzy came bobbing along into the room. She grinned at me finding herself a drink. Once she was set she came closer and leant forward to whisper in my ear.  
"Finn is looking for you." I say whisper and yet my ear drum nearly burst. I nodded to let her know I heard.

I moved out of the kitchen and through the house until I nearly walked into Rae as she was heading down the stairs. Luckily she grabbed my arm before I could fall over though.  
"Steady." She smiled.  
"How am I supposed to talk to Finn over this music?" I shouted by her ear.  
"Secret communication!" She winked as she danced.  
"What?"  
"Something we invented." She pulled my arm up so my palm was facing the ceiling and started tracing her finger along. "See?"  
"See what?"  
"Pay attention to how it feels!" She repeated the action on my palm and I frowned.  
"Did you just write cock on my hand?" Rae erupted into laughter. "He'll know what you're doing." And with that said she dissapeared into the crowded living room.

I wondered when she and Finn invented the intimate way of talking but decided to leave it and ask her tomorrow. I continued searching the house, resorting in the end to just ask Archie. He smiled and pointed back the way I'd came.  
"Looks like he's still looking for you too."

I ignored the suggestive tone in his voice and moved towards Finn. I tapped his shoulder, noticing now the broadness that Rae had talked about. The living room was dim and crammed with other party goers. Finn turned, a thin sheen of sweat covering his face. His hair was stuck down to his forehead and his naturally dark eyes seemed darker as he looked down at me. His lips moved but being in the room where the speakers were, I couldn't hear a word he said. Instead, I did as Rae instructed and grabbed his wrist, turning his hand palm up.  
O-U-T-S-I-D-E.  
He got the message, nodding and following me through the living room and kitchen and into the back garden. I sighed when he shut the door behind him.

"What did you say?" I asked with a slight smile.  
"I said I've been looking for you." He seemed to be reluctant to talk to me now there wasn't deafening music blasting around us.  
"Yeah. Izzy said."  
"Listen, I just..." He scratched the back of his neck as he looked everywhere but at me. "The other night in the pub when I-"  
"Saw my scars?"  
"Yeah." He looked down at his converse clad feet. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything."  
"You didn't. People are going to look, I just have to get used to it. But..." I paused trying to figure out how to word my question. "You didn't look like they made you feel sick."  
"They don't." He frowned. "Why would they?"  
Shrugging, I scuffed the toe of my boots on the concrete floor. "Dunno. Most people look like that though."  
"Nob heads."  
"Yeah." I smiled. "You looked kind of...Curious."  
"Yeah. I mean...I kinda wanted to know why. Do you get me?"  
"Mm. I don't know what to tell you though. I haven't even been able to answer that question for the therapists."

Finn chuckled as the music from inside changed to what I recognized as The Smiths', ' _There is a light that never goes out_.'  
"Oh god no." I groaned, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.  
"What?"  
"The Smiths."  
"You telling me you don't like The Smiths?" He seemed genuinely concerned at my judgment.  
"They've had a few good songs but he just sounds so miserable. And his voice irritates me."  
Finn dropped his jaw, faking shock. "Right. I am making it my mission to change your opinion."  
"Good luck." I chuckled, opening the door and heading back into the party.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of music. Not something I recognized so I lay with my eyes shut just listening to the lyrics for a while.  
" _Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now. I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now_."  
There was no mistaking that voice. "Ugh. Someone turn the wingy bloke off please." I moved my arm to rest over my eyes. I felt something soft hit my head.  
"Don't insult The Smiths when I'm in the room or you can stop calling yourself my sister." Laughter followed Rae's voice and so I decided to sit up.

I found myself on the floor of the living room in between Archie and some guy I didn't recognize. I looked up and saw Rae, Finn and Chop already starting to clean the place.  
"Time is it?"  
"Half nine."Chop answered.  
"What? That is ridiculous. Goodnight." I rolled onto my stomach and closed my eyes, ignoring the laughter behind me. Suddenly the music was turned up louder making any chance of returning to sleep impossible.

Pouting I stood and moved towards the stereo, sifting through the Cd's until I found a Stone Roses one. I switched it with The Smiths,smiling at the sound of the music.

" _I've been casing your joint for the best years of my life. Like the look of your stuff outta sight_." I sung along heading into the kitchen where Chop was filling the kettle with water.  
"Tea for the Teddy Bear?"  
"Please. Milky, one sugar." I pushed myself up to sit on the kitchen counter which was now miraculously clean. "How did you clean this place up?"  
"Chop's age old trick." Finn came into view, leaning against the door frame. "Bin everything." He nodded to the back door that had been left open. Just outside was a pile of bin bags, stacked against the wall. "I'll have a tea, mate."

Finn glanced around the kitchen before his gaze settled on me. But his eyes weren't trained on my eyes. They were fixed on my now bare arms. I don't remember shedding my jacket but now I was just in my Oasis vest with nothing to hide the scars. I stayed unmoving for a while, hoping not to worry him but when he didn't look away, I self consciously folded my arms against my chest. He blinked once, his eyes snapping up to mine. I looked over to Chop, watching him make the tea. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Finn coming closer until he stood between Chop and I. His hand came up to my knee before he used his finger to trace out letters, like Rae had shown me last night.  
S-O-R-R-Y.  
I slid down off the counter, lifting my hand to the top of his arm.  
I-T-S-O-K

I took my tea from Chop and returned to the living room. Archie was now awake and trying to locate his glasses. Which was a funny sight to see since without them he was practically blind. Shaking my head, I set my tea down and started helping him. It was a good ten minutes before we found Chloe, asleep in the corner of Chop's parents bedroom, wearing Archie's glasses. Neither knew how she ended up with them.

* * *

Everyone chipped in to finish the tidying before Chop's parents got back from the wedding they'd been attending. Rae and I walked home together at about elevenish, planning to get showered and changed before heading to the hospital for Rae's session and to see how Tix was doing. I'd met Tix a few times now, along with Danny Two Hats and found the pair of them to be fantastic. It was nice to know Rae had had someone in the hospital to talk to.

"So, what did Finn say?" Rae asked, squinting against the last remnants of the sunshine. Soon to be September we needed to make the most of it.  
"Just that he didn't mean to offend me or anything."  
"And?"  
"And, that he kind of wanted to know why."  
"He asked me why once."  
"Did you tell him."  
"Yeah, he's one of my best mates." The tone in her voice said that should've been obvious.  
"Rae, how did you and Finn end up coming up with the secret talking thing?" We turned onto the driveway of our house as Rae pulled her keys from her bag.  
"I used to have a massive crush on Finn. Even thought I was in love with him. Anyway, obviously he's not good at speaking so I came up with that. So he didn't have to say the things he couldn't figure out how to."  
"You were in love with him?" I frowned, kicking the front door shut behind me. "Were you two a couple then?"  
"No. We got close but we had a heart to heart after mum and Karim's wedding."  
"And?"  
"And we realized we'd be better as best friends. As alike as we are there are some differences that just make it better to stay as friends and nothing more."  
"Are you OK with that?"  
"I wasn't at first but I am now. I can't even imagine being with him now."  
"Oh."

Rae chuckled to herself as we headed upstairs.  
"What's so funny?" I frowned, pulling my jacket off.  
"Nothing. But it's a good job I don't still fancy him, isn't it?"  
"Why?"  
She stopped outside her bedroom door, cocking one eyebrow at me. "Who goes to a sexy party and spends the night looking for each other?"  
"Wh-"  
"You and Finn." She winked before entering her room and closing the door behind her.

I moved into my own bedroom and collapsed onto my bed. My bedroom way nowhere near as manic as Rae's. The walls were a sea blue colour with just a few posters on. My bed on the right hand side had plain black covers and one bear sat at the end. The bear was nothing special, just something I took into hospital with me. On the opposite wall was my dressing table, CD player and book shelf. My Cd's took up one shelf on the book shelf and the rest were, obviously filled with books. I did most of my reading at the hospital but since I arrived in Stamford I haven't had the time. I thought about reading something now but couldn't bring myself to move from my bed.  
Instead I thought about what Rae had said. Finn and I didn't spend _all_ night looking for each other. After we spoke in the garden, we had a drink and a dance together but that was all. Some random initiated a game of spin the bottle but the only ones from the gang that played were Chloe and Archie. Archie ended up snogging a blonde girl which for some reason he didn't seem too happy about. God knows why, she was gorgeous.  
I thought more about Finn and how I felt about him. Sure, he did look like something out of a magazine but that was all, right? He had good taste in music, excusing The Smiths, and he was a laugh when he wasn't being a moody sod. Although, when Rae had shown me the secret language I did feel kind of jealous that she and Finn had been close enough to come up with it. And I did feel a bit of relief when Finn refused to play spin the bottle. I didn't really want to watch him snog someones face off that wasn't mine.  
Oh. Maybe Rae was right.  
I've got a crush of Finn.


	5. Everybody Hurts Sometimes

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder_  
 **Chapter title -** _Everybody Hurts Sometimes_  
 **Author -** _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -** _Romance/Drama_  
 **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy._

* * *

Even after being out of hospital for just over a month, there were days when I felt like I should still be there. I'd wake up and go downstairs to get a cup of tea but it was like I was walking down into a big, black, bottomless pit and I'd be going down the stairs forever. The tea was something that Finn reckons made everything better. It worked whilst you were drinking it. It'd warm yourr hands when you held the cup and warm your insides as it went down. When I was drinking tea, all I was thinking about was the tea. The taste and the warmth. And occasionally Finn, since it was his tip to drink it in times of despair. Then I'd finish and get to the bottom of the cup and I'd remember why I was feeling crap in the first place. On days like that everything seemed to scream at me.  
 _"I have a sharp edge, use me to hurt yourself!"_  
 _"No one would care, just wear a long sleeved top!"_  
 _"Go outside right now and step in front of a car. You pathetic pile of sh-"_

"Teddy? You listening?"  
"Sorry. I was miles away." I apologized to Finn, shaking the thoughts from my head. "What were you saying?"  
"I was saying, listen to this. It'll change your mind." He placed a record on and stood back, watching my reaction. The beginning riff was fine but then the voice came.  
"Trudging slowly over wet sand."  
"Does this guy ever cheer up?" I smirked, looking over at Rae, who was sat on Finn's bed, looking through a magazine. "And besides, this is just him alone. It's not The Smiths."  
"I will find a song that you like by him. I guarantee."  
"She's stubborn." Rae commented.  
"So am I." Finn shot back.  
"Fair point." Rae smiled. "I think Chloe's planning on having another party at her pool before summer's over."  
"I can't swim." I said, standing from the chair to look at Finn's sparse collection of books.  
"Really?" Finn frowned. "Why not?"  
"My dad's not exactly the parenting and teaching you things type."  
"Well...I'll teach you."  
"I'm gonna drown aren't I?" I smirked.  
"Cheeky."

Smiling I turned away from the book shelf to sit on the bed, sifting through the pile of magazines at Rae's feet. I could feel her amused stare burning into my face but I refused to meet her gaze. She swung her legs off the bed, placing the magazine she'd been reading in front of me.  
"I think I'm gonna go to Chloe's. See if this party is a definite or not." She picked up her bag and jacket from the floor. "I'll see you at home later, yeah?"  
"Yeah. Oh, I'll be later than usual don't forget. I've got to see Kester."  
"Why will you be late?"  
"Cause it takes me forever to walk there."  
"Finn's got a scooter I'm sure he can give you a lift, right Finn?" Rae didn't make any means to hide the wink she shot my way.  
"Course." Luckily Finn was still sifting through his old records. God knows why he didn't just use a CD player.  
"Right. See you later then."

A short while later and a familiar tune started to play. I froze in my new seat on Finn's bed, having not heard this song for a long time.  
"This isn't Morrissey or The Smiths but it's a good tune." Finn lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

" _When your day is long. And the night, the night is yours alone. When you're sure you've had enough. Of this life, well hang on_." R.E.M. This song held mixed emotions for me. As Finn said, it was a great song but this song was the song that was playing when...Well, when I wasn't in a very good place in my head. " _Don't let yourself go. 'Cause everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes_." I'd tried to pay attention to the lyrics and not to hurt myself but things had gotten too much for me. I was just a fifteen year old girl that didn't have anyone to talk to. " _Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone. If you feel like letting go. If you think you've had too much. Of this life, well hang on_." I'd locked myself in my bedroom. I had a blade that I'd got from a plastic pencil sharpener I smashed under a chair leg. The most prominent scars I had. The ones that ran the whole length of my forearm were made when this song was on. " _Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand, oh no_." I squoze my eyes shut, trying to block out the memories from that night.

"Teddy are you alright?"  
"No. Can you turn this off please." It wasn't until I spoke that I realized I was crying. My voice cracked and I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. The song stopped immediately and I felt Finn return to my side.  
"What is it? What happened?" I felt his hand rest softly on my back.  
"Nothing. It's just that song..."  
"What?" Finn frowned as I finally opened my eyes. I ran a finger along the scars and he seemed to get my meaning. "I'm so sorry." Suddenly his arms were wrapped around my middle,pulling me into a tight hug, Whispers of ' _It's ok_ ' reached my ear as he tightened his grip. It was strange, being hugged. The only other people to hug me had been the gang and they were always quick hugs hello or goodbye. Not a long, tight embrace meant for comfort.  
"I'm OK. I just haven't heard that song since..." I sighed, pulling away. "Well, you know." I glanced up at the clock above the door. "I should probably get down to the hospital."  
"Right."

* * *

The ride to the hospital was silent, not that we could've heard each other anyway. I gripped the sides of Finn's jacket, the helmet he'd given me slightly squashing my cheeks. He offered to wait and give me a ride home but I insisted I'd be fine to walk. He apologized again before leaving.

I sat in silence as Kester made us both some tea. I could tell by the look on his face he knew something had happened. He set the mug down on the coffee table before me, taking a seat opposite.  
"So...What's on your mind?"  
"Nothing."  
"Nothing at all?"  
"Nope." I slipped lower in my seat, tapping my hands on the tops of my legs in a hopes to distract myself.  
"What about the young man that dropped you off? Nothing to say about him?"  
Frowning I sat back up. "Are you spying on me now?"  
"I happened to look out of the window as you took your helmet off." Kester explained. "Friend? Boyfriend?"  
"He's a boy who is a friend." As nice as Kester is I don't think he'd be too good at advice for a teenage relationship.  
"I get the impression something happened between the two of you. Something you'd rather forget."  
"I sometimes get the impression you can see straight into my brain." I scowled. "And his name is Finn."  
"Ah, the famous Finn." At my frown, he continued. "Rae's best friend. He's brought up alot in conversation. And you mentioned him last week. What did he say when you asked why he looked at your arms?"  
"Just that he wanted to know why."  
"And what did you say."  
"That I didn't know."

I picked up the tea, judging the temperature by pressing my palm to the side of the mug. I took a sip, finding it slightly hotter than I'd thought.  
"When I did it, you know..." I gestured to my wrists and Kester nodded. "There was a song on. Everybody Hurts by R.E.M."  
"Good song."  
"Yeah. I hadn't heard it since that night. But earlier, at Finn's he put it on and...I don't know. It was like I couldn't do anything but think about what I did."  
"It brought the memories back." I nodded. "How did you feel?"  
"Sick." I clutched the tea tighter to my body. "I felt like I didn't really think about what I was doing. All I was thinking about was just not being here anymore." I sighed, looking up at Kester. "But, I don't regret it...That doesn't make any sense does it?"  
"You're starting to get a life that you're happy with, that's why you feel sick when you think about it. But you don't regret it because if you were still at that point in your life you wouldn't change anything."  
"I..." Kester really freaks me out sometimes. "How do you do that?"  
"It's my job to do that." He smiled. "How did Finn react?"  
"He turned the song off and he came over and hugged me. He must've apologized about a million times."

We talked about a few other things whilst I was there, but I couldn't bring myself to admit about the feeling of walking into the bottomless pit I was still getting. I didn't want to be put back into hospital. I can't go back in. Eventually though, I headed back home.

We ate our tea of sausage, mash and beans in dull conversation. Karim occasionally asked me questions in French most of which I didn't have a clue of what he was saying. I said about eight times that I only knew basic French but it didn't seem to sink in. Afterwards, Rae and I headed down to the pub to meet the others.  
"Finn stopped by after he dropped you off. He told me what happened." Rae said as we walked together.  
"Oh."  
"Oh? That's it?"  
"What else do you want me to say?"  
"If it was me I'd be gushing about the fact he hugged me on his bed."  
"That's cause you're overly hormonal."  
"You're the one that's in love with Finn." She shot back.  
"I told you it's a crush. That's it, nothing more." I scowled.  
"We'll see about that after you see him in just his swim shorts on Friday."  
"Chloe's going ahead with the party then?" I swallowed back the lump in my throat. Sure everyone had seen my arms but there were scars on the tops of my thighs and a few scattered along my hips and lower stomach. Where do I find swimwear that covers them up?  
"Yeah...Why do you look like you're gonna throw up?"  
"I just haven't been in swimwear for a long time. I don't even think I have a costume any more."  
"Well we'll buy one. Chloe knows some good shops."  
"No. Can we just go on our own? Please?"  
"Yeah. Alright." Rae looked confused but didn't ask as we arrived outside the pub.

The pool party was on Friday. That gave me two days to find something to wear. Easier said than done.


	6. Stars Are Fading Away

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder_  
 **Chapter title -** _Stars Are Fading Away_  
 **Author -** _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -** _Romance/Drama_  
 **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy and Lucy._

* * *

Rae and I spent the whole of Wednesday and Thursday in town trying to find something I could wear swimming. Everything was horrific. There was no way in hell I was going to wear a bikini and all the one pieces still showed off my legs. The only one that didn't were the ones that had frills around the leg holes that made me look like my nana on the beach. Now it was Friday morning and I was hunting through all my clothes trying to find something to wear.

"What about these?" Rae held up my black shorts whilst looking in my drawers.  
"Actually...That's not the worst idea you've had today." I moved closer taking the shorts from her grasp and holding them against myself. They stopped just at my mid thigh, short enough to pass as swimwear and long enough to hide my scars. "Perfect Raemundo. Now, what about covering my boobs?"  
"Finn's hands?" She cocked one eyebrow up as she smirked at me. I flicked her ear causing her to flinch away. "Seriously though, I think you should tell him you like him."  
"I think you should shut up and pass me that costume there." Rae handed me my black swimming costume with the purple stripes down the sides. "What about this under those? Would that work?"  
"Yes. You'll look amazing." Rae sighed, climbing to her feet. "If you don't tell Finn, I will."  
"What?"  
"Teddy, if I know anything about boys it's this...They don't function like normal humans. If you like one, tell him cause otherwise you end up running round in circles trying to make each other jealous and act like you don't care for ages. It's fucking ridiculous."  
"Is that what happened with Archie?" I asked, tossing the clothes to my bed and moving to my wardrobe to find a clean pair of jeans.  
"What?"  
"Chloe said that you went on a date and you kissed but then he stood you up and now you're best mates."  
"Oh. Yeah it's a long story that I can't really tell anyone." Rae excused herself and dissapeared out of the door. Weird.

* * *

I wore my swimming costume and shorts underneath my denim jeans with ripped knees and one of Rae's checked shirts. It was big on me but it was super comfy. The only problem was, Rae being taller, her arms were longer so the sleeves kept slipping over my hands.

"Rae?"  
"Mmm?"  
"Can you do me a favour and please not mention anything to Finn about me liking him. Not yet at least."  
"Nope."  
"Rae-"  
"Nope. I will give you till Monday morning which will make it the second of September."  
"Cow."

* * *

At Chloe's we all sat around for a while, chatting, before getting into the pool.

"Can't believe we start college soon." Izzy smiled. "Are you going to college Teddy?" She turned to me, placing her drink down by her knee.  
"I'm enrolled but I'm not sure if I'm going to attend." I shrugged.  
"Why not?" Chloe asked.  
"Not really my thing. Neither was school." I laughed. "I more than likely will just go until I can get a job or something."  
"What are you taking?" Archie asked.  
"Art and music." I smirked a little. "Jesus, I sound like a happy hippie don't I?"  
"Just a little." Archie chuckled. "I'll probably be in your music class and Finn and Izzy would be in your art."  
"You take art?" I frowned at Finn.  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Nothing you just...didn't strike me as the type."

My mind drifted to thoughts of lounging on Finn's bed whilst he painted me until Chop stood up and shed his shirt and jeans, leaving him in just his swim shorts. He dive bombed into the pool, splashing the rest of us where we sat. Chloe and Izzy followed soon after. Archie finished his drink and followed and then Rae jumped in too. That left just Finn and I.  
"You not going in?" I glanced at Finn. We were both drenched from the others diving in and splashing us anyway.  
"Yeah. Don't forget I'm teaching you how to swim."  
"Right." I grimaced.  
"Don't panic, I won't let you drown." Finn stood up, pulling his shirt over his head.

I moved my gaze to my legs, stretched out in front of me, but I couldn't resist sneaking glances at his toned torso. He pulled his jeans off and bombed into the water. He resurfaced at the edge of the pool, pushing his hair away from his face.  
"Come on then. Meet you at the shallow end." He swam off to the opposite end of the pool, leaving me alone to undress.

Taking the shirt off was easy. As I said, everyone has seen my arms before. But it was when I reached for the button of my jeans that my stomach flipped. I headed into Chloe's house, excusing myself for the toilet. On the back of Chloe's bathroom door was a full length mirror. I pulled my jeans and shoes off and looked at the shorts. I readjusted the legs of them, making sure they were covering any scarring as I stared at my reflection. I didn't really have a choice. If I stayed here much longer someone was bound to come-  
"Teddy?" Rae's voice drifted under the door.  
"Yeah?"  
"Hurry up, I need the loo."

I unlatched the door and pulled it open. Rae pulled me out and shut the door on me. Someone drank too much before going in the pool, clearly. I headed back to the pool, dropping my clothes by the pile of everyone else's and headed back to the shallow end. Shakermaker by Oasis was playing loudly in the background as everyone splashed around. Finn turned, smiling as I dipped my toes into the water surrounding the first step on the ladder.  
Once my feet hit the floor of the pool the water reached just beneath my boobs. Finn swam over, taking my hands and pulling me closer to the deep end. I pulled my hand away when I felt the floor start to slope.

"Don't worry." He re-took my hand, pulling me along.

Everyone else seemed oblivious to the pair of us. Rae returned and the rest of the gang continued chatting and playing random games. My breath hitched when I couldn't reach the floor without my head going under the water. Finn gripped my hands tightly, keeping me suspended at his level.

"Relax."  
"Can't."  
"I've got you." Funny. If there were three words to make my heart skip I didn't think it would be those. "Lean forward." He instructed.  
"What?" Lean forward. As in put my face near the stuff that's going to stop me breathing.  
"Trust me."

Finn let go of one hand, placing it on my back. He softly pushed me forward, letting go of my other hand and placing his other hand under my stomach. He moved his other hand from my back to my legs, lifting them up so I was floating on the surface of the water.  
"Alright?"  
"Finn, this isn't swimming."  
"I know. We'll get to that."

Finn moved round, taking my hands in his so he was stood at my head.

"Now, kick your legs." He said. "Point your toes and kick your legs." I did as instructed, earning a smile. "Good." He pulled me back into an upright position. "I'm gonna let go. Move your legs like you're riding a bike."  
"Finn, wait!" Too late. Finn let go of my hands and before I could move my legs, I slipped under the water. Finn pulled me back up, clearly trying hard not to laugh. With my mouth full, I squirted the water into his face.

"You deserve that." I pouted.  
"Alright fine. Now pedal like you're on a bike." I looked down and through the rippling water I could see that Finn was already doing this. I mirrored his actions and after a while he let go of my hands leaving me floating, or treading water as he said, alone.

"Right, now float on your front again." I moved so I was floating as I had been before. "Whilst you're kicking your legs, move your arms out in front then bring them to our sides. Like you're pushing the water behind you."  
"OK...What?" I frowned, moving back to an upright position.  
"Like this." Finn moved forward, doing as he'd told me to.  
"Right, OK..." I mimicked his actions, moving forward in the water.  
"There you go, you just swam."  
"About an inch." I retorted.  
"Alright." Finn swam to the opposite side of the pool. "Swim to me...And no kicking off from the wall, that's cheating."

I smirked and shook my head, beginning to attempt to swim the width of the pool towards him. It took me longer than it should but I made it, just.  
"A bit more practice and you'll be fine." Finn smiled. "Just don't go swimming alone. Or in a river."  
"Why?"  
"Currents."  
"Ah."

"Do you two only have eyes for each other or are you gonna come and join us?" Chloe shouted.  
In an attempt to hide my reddening cheeks I swam, slowly, over to the gang and away from Finn. As I neared Archie I saw a smirk on his face.  
"What?"  
"Nothing. Finny boy's looking a little hurt you left him." As I turned Finn started swimming over to the group, hiding any sort of expression that may have been on his face.

* * *

**_ FINN'S POV _ **

Later in the night we got dried off and headed to the pub. I found myself sat between Rae and Teddy. _Rae and Teddy Earl_... Those two were going to be the death of me. Or the making of me. I'm fine with either.  
Rae and I had gotten closer and closer to a relationship but decided we worked better as friends. She was my closest female friend and I loved her. And then Teddy turned up and there was just something about her. She so like Rae and so different to Rae at the same time. I wanted to tell her things about how I felt about her but getting stuff from my brain seems to be too difficult for me to manage.

As we sat and drank I felt a hand drift to my knee beneath the table. Rae.  
 _U-L-I-K-E-T-E-D-?_  
I frowned, side glancing at Teddy who was engaged in conversation with Chop. Something about him teaching her football.  
 _W-H-Y?_  
I wrote back on Rae's leg.  
 _Y-E-S-O-R-N-O.  
_ I sighed. There was no way she'd believe a lie.  
 _Y-E-S.  
_ I noticed her grinning out of the corner of my eye and couldn't help but smile a little myself.  
 _K-N-E-W-IT._  
I shook my head.  
 _S-H-H._  
Rae pushed my hand away.  
 _T-E-L-L-H-E-R._  
Once again, I sighed.  
 _C-A-N-T._  
 _W-H-Y._  
 _T-H-I-C-K._  
 _O-U-T-S-I-D-E-N-O-W._

Rae excused us, saying she needed a private word. I followed her outside the pub in silence. I was about to get a lecture and I knew it. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans, looking down at the floor sheepishly.  
"Finn, you're not thick."  
"Why can't I tell people things then?"  
"You're not the only one who doesn't always know how to say what they feel you know." Rae smiled a little. "Teddy prefers writing songs instead of actually saying stuff."  
I stared at Rae. "Really?" Rae nodded.  
"I said tell her. I didn't say speak." Rae shot me a wink before heading back inside.

I sat down on one of the nearby benches, pondering how I could go about telling Teddy I like her. Alot. That was until Teddy herself left the pub, walking swiftly away from the building. Something was wrong, that much was clear. I shot up from my seat and managed to catch up to her easily. Her being fairly short meant my legs were much longer and I could cover more distance.

"What's wrong?" I asked as she turned. When I saw her face my stomach dropped. Tears were falling freely down her pale cheeks as she looked up at me.  
"Nothing." She made to continue walking but I caught her hand.  
"Teddy, please. Just...Tell me." I pulled her back to one of the benches, ignoring the music that was seeping through the doors of the pub.  
"I went to the toilets and there was a girl in there. Her names Lucy, I used to go to school with her." She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "She just said some stuff, that's all."  
"What stuff?" I could feel my stomach clenching at the thought of some slapper in a toilet upsetting my Teddy. Wait, _my_ Teddy?  
"Just the same sort of stuff I used to get at school all the time. I should get used to it. She's visiting her family her for a week or two apparently."  
"What sort of things did she used to say at school?"  
"Why? Why are you so interested in what made me mental?" Suddenly she was up on her feet, angry tears now falling.  
"I just...I-" Fuck. Why does my brain fail me now? "I-"  
"You're nosy." Teddy marched off but once again I found myself catching her hand in mine.

Compared to me Teddy was tiny. She only reached up to my shoulders, her feet were small, her hand was dwarfed by mine. Every time I was near her she looked so small and fragile I just wanted to scoop her up and hold her so nothing else could hurt her. She'd already been hurt enough by everyone else. I didn't want to hurt her too. How the hell was I supposed to help her?  
 _"Teddy prefers writing songs instead of actually saying stuff."_

I cleared my throat, knowing what to do.  
 _"May your smile shine on. Don't be scared. Your destiny may keep you warm."_ My singing voice was terrible and she frowned in confusion. _"Cos all of the stars are fading away. Just try not to worry, you'll see them some day. Take what you need and be on your way. And stop crying your heart out."_ The last line seemed to sink in and get my message across. I pulled her closer, wrapping her tightly in my arms. She moved her head slightly so she could talk into my ear.  
"I think I'm going to need you and the gang around for a while. Especially whilst Lucy's hanging about."

I may not have told her my feelings but I did let her know I wanted to help. And she...Needed me.


	7. Letters

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder_  
 **Chapter title -** _Letters_  
 **Author -** _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -** _Romance/Drama_  
 **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy and Lucy._

**TRIGGER WARNING - TALKS ABOUT DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE**

* * *

"Who's Lucy? I've never heard you mention her."  
"I haven't." I sighed, staring up at the ceiling of Rae's bedroom. "We went to school together in East Bridge."  
"So you didn't get on I take it." Rae leant over the edge of her bed, looking down at me.  
"Obviously." There was a brief silence before Rae spoke again.  
"Finn likes you too."  
"What?"  
"He told 's why we went outside to talk."  
"Bull."  
"Not bull."  
"Whatever. I'm going out." I pushed myself up to my feet.  
"Where are you going?"  
I shrugged. "See where I end up."

* * *

I walked around Stamford for quite a while. I'd been listening to Pulp on my personal CD player I got last year and had to turn it off after it had repeated about eight times. As I was walking I heard someone call my name but when I turned around no one was there. Frowning I carried on but then I heard it again. I turned around full circle not seeing anyone.  
"Up here you div!" I looked in the direction of the voice, finding Finn leaning out of an upstairs window. That's when I realized I was outside of his house. "Wait there, don't move."He pulled the window shut and a few moments later came out of his front door.  
"Alright?" I smiled.  
"Yeah. I was just about to head over to yours."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah, I wanted to give you this." He held out a CD with my name scrawled across in marker pen. "I uh...Put some tunes on there for you. A couple of Smith and some others I thought you'd like."  
"Oh. Thanks." I pulled the CD player from my bag, taking out the Pulp CD and replacing it with the new one. "I'll have a listen."  
"Yeah. You and Rae going to the park later? Chop's taking some cans down if you fancy it."  
"Yeah sure." Over Finn's shoulder I spotted a blonde haired girl and two brunettes coming this way. "I better get back anyway. I'll see you."  
"Yeah, see you."

I turned away and moved off at a swift place. I pulled the headphones on, pressing play on the CD player. I turned the music up full, hoping to ignore the girl behind me.  
" _I am the sun and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar_." Who was this. Sounded like Morissey but...Good. " _I am the son and heir of nothing in particular. You shut your mouth how can you say. I go about things the wrong way. I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does_." Really good. By god he did it. Finn found a decent Smiths track.

Something hard hit the back of my head, making me turn on instinct. The three girls moved closer, laughing as they did. I turned and hurried on forward. I could hear them shouting things behind me but over the music I couldn't make out what was being said. The next song that came on was Rock 'n' Roll Star by Oasis. Brilliant tune. It was, until my headphones were knocked off.

"Ted, my man! How are you?" The high feminine voice came from behind me.  
"Go away Lucy."  
"I just want to talk to you! Geez." She moved in front of me now. "So...What happened there?" She poked my arm where my scars were on show.  
"People like you happened there."  
"I didn't do it."  
"You caused it."  
"How?" She looked confused as did her two friends.  
"You spend your entire life being so shallow you have to make people feel like shit. You made my life hell at school and let me tell you something, Lucy...Someone tells you you're nothing at school, you feel like nothing. And when you're nothing what exactly have you got to loose if you kill yourself?"  
"Kill yourself? You tried to kill yourself?" Lucy smirked before erupting into full blown laughter. My stomach twisted. "Oh my god. Suicide is just another thing that you can't do right, isn't it?" She tucked a stand of her perfect hair behind her ear. "Why don't you do what all losers do? You know...If at first you don't succeed...?" Her grin widened.  
"Try and try again." I finished for her. "You make me sick."  
"Oh well. Maybe I'll slit my wrists cause I'm such a coward and I can't face life anymore. Oh woe is me." After another laughter bout from her friends she stepped closer. "That guy you were talking to was only taking pity on you you know. I bet he'd use you for a pity lay."  
"What?"  
"Guys find a girl so pathetic and useless and sleep with them. Most pathetic date wins."  
"Whatever." I pushed past the girls and carried on walking, swiping angrily at the few tears that had escaped in frustration.  
"You're dad seems happier now." She called after me. I stopped walking. "Yeah. Since you've been gone he's always out, having fun with Susie." Ugh. Susie, his twat of a girlfriend. "Well why wouldn't he, since he got rid of all the depressing baggage he had. I bet if you did kill yourself everyone would be happier. You're a burden to your so called friends. You always have been."

I broke out into a run, heading straight home, not bothering to wipe the tears away now. I knew deep down that she was right. I'd been kidding myself since I got to Lincolnshire. Rae was happy with her friends before I arrived. Mum and Karim were happy and me, I was just another mouth for them to feed. Another person taking up space in the house. I wasn't needed in the gang, they had everything they needed. Izzy the ditzy, cute one, Chloe the gorgeous, popular one, Chop the loud, funny one, Archie the musically talented one, Rae the funny, tom boy one and Finn the moody, hot one. I was just a repeat of what was already there. I wasn't needed. So they pretended to like me because I was Rae's sister and they didn't want to offend me. Finn felt sorry for me cause I was a pathetic shit who couldn't take care of herself. Everyone was better off without me, that much was clear to me now. I needed the release but this time I needed it for good.

Luckily mum and Karim were out when I got home and Rae was too. She must've gone to Chloe's or headed to the park early. I tried to calm myself down, sticking the CD Finn made into the large CD player in my room and hitting play. I skipped the first two songs, having heard them. The third was quiet to begin with, then Finn's voice drifted through the speaker.  
"Teddy, I uh...Can never seem to say stuff around you. But the next track, is something I want to say to you. Erm...Yeah."  
Frowning I sat down on my bed, waiting for track for to begin. A helicopter noise followed by a loud guitar riff. Curious I turned the volume up so I could hear nothing but the song. I knew it as Morning Glory by Oasis but can't say I'd ever paid attention to the lyrics before.

" _All your dreams are made. When you're chained to your mirror with your razor blade_." I breathed deep. I no longer had the razor blade. I was forced to give it to the therapist when I first went into the hospital. " _Today's the day that all the world will see, another sunny afternoon. I'm walking to the sound of your favorite tune. Tomorrow never knows what it doesn't know too soon_." I closed my eyes and lay back on my bed, beginning to get what Finn was saying. " _Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to wake up, wake up. Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to rest your mind. You know you should so I guess you might as well. What's the story morning glory? Well you need a little time to wake up, wake up well. What's the story morning glory? Well. Need a little time to wake up, wake up_." He wanted to know. He still wanted to know why I hurt myself. I sat up, looking across at the notepad sat on the dressing table. Song lyrics were scrawled in my messy handwriting but I knew this time I'd be writing something different. Something I'd never put into a song before.

" _Cause all your dreams are made, now you're chained to the mirror with your razor blade_."  
I sat down turning to a new page and picking up my pen. A blue pen with green stripes Rae had given me when my biro ran out of ink. My hand was shaking and I had to take deep breaths before writing.

" _Today's the day that all the world will see, it's another sunny afternoon_."  
' _Finn, I get what you want. What's the story morning glory? (Good tune by the way.)'_

_"Yeah I'm walking to the sound of my favorite tune. Tomorrow doesn't know what it doesn't know too soon."_   
_'I guess now is a good time to tell you everything. At least I won't have to deal with whatever reaction you have.'_

" _Need a little time to wake up .Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to rest your mind. You know you should so I guess that you might as well._ "  
' _Everything started when I was eleven. I was about to start secondary school in September and I was terrified. I knew some of the kids from my area went to the school I'd be going to and they scared me. I told my dad and he told me to stop being stupid_.' I sighed dropping the pen. Even just writing it down made my brain ache.

" _What's the story morning glory? Well, need a little time to wake up, wake up. Well. What's the story morning glory?_ "  
' _I started school and I was the weird shy girl that didn't dare speak to anyone. At first it was just the usual comments you get from school kids. You know, geek, weirdo, freak, etc. It didn't bother me that much. But then I realized I was pretty much the only person who didn't have any friends and I wanted to know why. Why was I so different to everyone else. My hair was the same, my eyes were the same, we were the same height, I wasn't fat or anything. I didn't get it. So I thought maybe it was something I was doing. Maybe I acted a certain way or I'd said something wrong to make people not like me._  
 _Then things started getting physical. Someone would trip me up in the dining hall so my diner would go everywhere and I'd have to spend the rest of the day with a jumper covered in gravy, older boys would kick footballs at me on the field, stupid things. People always seemed to be talking about me. Not just at school. Adults in the local area were always talking about me and my family. As I got older it got worse. People would wait for me after school so they could beat me up. Most often it was a girl called Lucy. She seemed to pick me out in year seven and keep me as her personal punch bag throughout school._  
 _Things at home were just as bad. Dad was always bringing different slags home every other night. They didn't want a man with kids so he'd make me go out whilst they were there. Then when he was drunk he'd shout stuff at me. Tell me I was stupid and thick and ugly and that it was my own fault that I didn't have any friends. That he wished I'd never been born, regretted even looking twice at mum. If he'd know he'd end up with such a fuck up for a daughter he'd never have slept with her. Or at least have worn a condom. And when his girlfriends did things to me he didn't care. I have a scar on the back of my neck in a perfect circle where one woman put a fag out on me. All because I accidentally knocked over a glass of cider onto her skirt._  
 _Dad slapped me for any little thing as did his women. Kids at school kicked the shit out of me on a daily basis and none of the teachers did anything about it. I didn't have anyone to talk to. Not a soul. But, as I said to Lucy when I saw her today...Someone tells you you're nothing often enough, you feel like nothing. And when you're nothing what exactly have you got to loose if you kill yourself?_  
 _I started cutting myself with anything I could find. Snapped plastic forks, snapped rulers, pencil sharpener blades, kitchen knives, scissors, sharpened and bent paper clips, needles, safety pins...Everything. Then last year, when I was fifteen, I snapped._  
 _Lucy and her friends beat me up really bad. I came home at half seven at night, with a busted nose, black eyes, cut lip and two fractured ribs. My dad laughed and said I probably deserved it. His most recent and long lasting girlfriend said it's no worse than what I was doing to myself anyway. So I locked myself in my room and decided to make it final. R.E.M was playing, as you now know. I cut my wrists straight up the middle, along the blue line of the vein I could see under the other scars. I cut once and then again, over the top of them. I wanted them to be deep to make sure I bled enough to die. I passed out quite quickly. I think it was the pain in my face and ribs that helped me black out sooner._  
 _I woke up a day and a half later in hospital. My wrists were bandaged up and I was completely alone in the room. No change. I was admitted to a psychiatric Hospital the same week and given a therapist. My dad never visited once whilst I was in there. I was in hospital just short of a year before I got out. I got out a month before I came to Lincoln. You know the rest. Up until earlier when you gave me the CD._  
 _When I left you, Lucy was following me. That's why I left quickly. She made me realize just how deluded I've been being. I'm sorry for being such a loser. But thank you for at least pretending like you cared for so long. Can you do me a massive favour and thank the others too. With you lot I actually felt normal for a change. It was nice whilst it lasted._  
 _Thanks again._  
 _Love, Teddy._  
 _P.s I enjoyed the first track by The Smiths. Mission accomplished._ '


	8. Saviour

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder_  
 **Chapter title -** _Saviour_  
 **Author -** _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -** _Romance/Drama_  
 **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy and Lucy._

**TRIGGER WARNING - TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE**

* * *

_**FINN'S POV** _

Weird. Teddy was definitely a weird one. I think that's why I liked her so much. She was different to everyone else but in all the right ways. She didn't pretend to like things to impress me. Although, trying to find something by The Smiths that she liked seemed like something that would impress her. She dressed how she liked not how magazines told her to. She was brilliant.  
But sometimes things she did were a different sort of weird. Like just now when she rushed off down the road. I'd thought after giving her the CD she might want to hang out or something. I was glad she didn't start listening to it in front of me, I nearly had a heart attack when she got her CD player out. I wanted her to get my message but not when I was there to be laughed at.

When I turned away to head back inside, I noticed three girls just brushing past me. I wondered if they had something to do with Teddy's sudden retreat.  
"She's such a freak, I went to school with her." The blonde one said as they passed.  
I ground my teeth together and clenched my fists. I may have twatted that lad for bullying Rae but I refuse to hit a girl. Even if she deserves it. I assumed that must be the Lucy girl Teddy had told me about.  
I turned on my heel and ran back inside. I grabbed my jacket and pulled on my boots before heading out the door. I walked at a slightly quickened pace, just in-case Teddy was still around and thought I was following her. But as I walked along she was no where around. I spotted the three girls heading into the city centre. I contemplated going to Teddy's house but knew Rae would already be there if she needed anyone. I couldn't go I'd come across as stalkerish. Instead I headed to the chippie for my dinner.

* * *

Later that afternoon I headed back home to grab some Cd's to take down to the park. Halfway up the stairs my dad called me back down. He held out an envelope with my name written across the front.  
"What's this?"  
"You're friend dropped it off. Said it was for your eyes only."  
"Which friend?" I frowned taking it from him.  
"Erm...Rae." He answered. "No wait. The other one. Teddy."  
"Sure?"  
"Yes."

I smiled and shook my head, heading back upstairs. I shed my jacked, dropping down to lie across my bed on my stomach. Opening the envelope I found a folded piece of paper. On the inside of it was a neat handwriting, slanting to the left. I smiled, wondering if this was Teddy's way of replying to the CD.  
' _Finn, I get what you want. What's the story morning glory? (Good tune by the way.)_  
 _I guess now is a good time to tell you everything. At least I won't have to deal with whatever reaction you have._ '  
I frowned at the letter. Wouldn't have to deal with my reaction? What does that mean?  
' _Everything started when I was eleven..._ '

* * *

"Did Teddy say where she was going?" My feet wouldn't stay still. My hands were sweating and my mind racing.  
"What?"  
"Teddy, when she dropped that letter off. Did she mention anything about where she was going?" Please dad, say you did your usual thing of making conversation with my friends.  
"Hmm...Well, she mentioned something about going for a walk by the docks. Said she enjoys the view, that the water was calming."  
"Thanks." I ran out of the house and down the street.

My feet couldn't move fast enough as they slapped down hard against the pavement. My breathing was labored and my chest ached but I couldn't stop. The docks were 20 minutes away from my house and all I could do was hope to god she didn't do anything before I found her. I didn't think to use my scooter but if I had I'd probably have been pulled over for speeding.  
How could she even think about herself like that? I knew she'd obviously had a bad upbringing but I never realized how bad. I wish I could've know her and been there for her. I wish I could've helped her so she didn't have to feel like she should hurt herself. I wish I could've been there to let her know that someone did care about her and that someone did think she was basically perfect. I wish I could fix her, save her.

* * *

When I got to the docks I searched frantically for any sign of Teddy. I couldn't find her anywhere, then I had an idea. Over looking the river was a large, tower type structure. From up there I'd be able to see all around the area to see if she was still here.

I sped up the steps as fast as I could manage as the ache from my chest spread to my legs. As I reached the top however my feet stopped. Teddy was stood facing the river, her toes over the edge of the platform. She was swaying back and forth as though she were working up momentum to jump. I wanted to run forward and pull her back but I couldn't move my legs. Instead I opted for the one thing that I hoped was still working.  
"Teddy?" I'd hoped to call her name but it came out in a cracked whisper.

But she heard me. Her head snapped around and she met my gaze. Stark red tear tracks ran down her face as fresh ones fell. She turned her whole body to face me but as she moved she misplaced her footing and slipped out of sight. Suddenly my legs surged me forward, screaming her name down into the water as she crashed beneath the surface. I shed my jacket and dived after her, ignoring the iciness of the water. It stung when I opened my eyes but a little sting compared to loosing her was nothing. It was hard to see anything under the water and I had to feel around half blind. Eventually my hand found what felt like Teddy's usual denim jacket and I dragged her towards me, wrapped my arms around her small frame and swam upwards. I heard her drink in the air when we broke the surface and breathed a sigh of relief.

Suddenly she started thrashing around in my arms, pushing herself away from me. She turned in my arms to face me, pressing her hands against my chest and trying to push me back. I gripped her tight, not wanting to let her go.  
"Teddy, stop!"  
"Finn, let me go!"  
"No! I'm not gonna let you do this." My voice sounded rough, as though I hadn't spoken for days.  
"I can't do it anymore, Finn. Please, just let me go." Her sobs racked her body as she shook convulsively.  
"Let me help you. Just give me a chance to help. Please." I leant my head forward to rest my forehead against hers.  
"I can't. I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry."

Before I had a chance to realize what was happening her fist flew up into my face causing me to release my grip and shift backwards. My nose felt like it exploded and my vision blurred. I stayed still as I tried to regain my bearings and clear my sight. I wiped some of the blood from running into my mouth and turned around in the water. Teddy was gone. I took another deep breath and dived again.  
She was deeper this time and I could tell by her lack of reaction when I grabbed her that she'd been under to long. When we resurfaced her head lolled back onto my shoulder. I swam to the edge, using my last remaining energy to push Teddy up onto land and pull myself up after her.  
"Oh my god, what happened?" A man came running over to us but I ignored him.  
I moved onto my knees, rolling Teddy onto her back. My hands shook as I pushed her hair from her face. She was unconscious and I didn't have a clue what to do.  
"Move." The man pushed me back as he dropped to his knees beside us. "Go find someone to call an ambulance." I watched as he pinched her nose and started breathing into her mouth. "Now!"  
I stumbled backwards before running out onto the road trying to find someone. I ran into the first shop I found, a D.I.Y shop and somehow managed to string a coherent sentence together and get them to call an ambulance. Once that was done I ran straight back to Teddy. She was lay on her side now, the man sitting behind her, keeping her like that.  
"She coughed up the water, she's just unconscious now. But she's breathing."  
"Right...T-thank you." I took her hand, encasing it in mine. "She's freezing." The man shed his green fleece jacket and draped it over her.  
The man rested his hand on my shoulder as I tried and failed to stop myself from crying. "It's alright. She'll be alright, mate."

* * *

"Hello?"  
"Erm, hello. Is this Rae and Teddy's mum?"  
"Yes, who's this?"  
"My name's Finn. I'm a friend of theirs. Uh...Teddy's in hospital." I may have been blunt but there's no use in beating around the bush with something like this. "She's OK, she's alive. She's just unconscious. I'm going to the park now to get Rae, I just thought you should know."  
"Right, yes. Thank you. We're on our way."

After hanging up I left the hospital and caught a taxi to the park. As I approached the gang, Chop grinned at me.  
"About fuckin' time, we've been waiting for you for ages." He leant back, grabbing me a can of beer. "Ted not with you?"  
"She's in hospital."  
Rae immediately sat up straight, her eyes growing wide.  
"What?"  
"She nearly drowned. She's unconscious but breathing. Kester's with her."  
"Chop, drive us to the hospital now."  
"Course. We're all coming. C'mon."

I wish I could show Teddy this moment. How her friends were worried and wanted to cram into a tiny car just to make sure she was OK.

* * *

_**TEDDY'S POV** _

Flashes of Finn's face just before I fell flooded my mind. The sound of his voice when he whispered my name, when he screamed my name, when he said he wouldn't let me go, when he begged me to give him a chance. It was now, in whatever state I was in, that I saw the sincere feeling in his eyes when he spoke to me. Saw just how lucky I was to have friends like those that I had. Not people who pitied me like I'd thought but genuine friends. And now I'm dead and lonelier than ever. Fuck. I hope Rae didn't hate me too much.  
Hold on a minute. I can hear Kester's voice. What the hell is going on?  
I opened my eyes, only to snap them shut again after being practically blinded by sunlight.  
"She's awake."  
I tried opening my eyes again, thankful when someone got rid of the light. I blinked a few times to clear my vision and found myself in a stark white room looking up at Kester.  
"Teddy, can you hear me?"  
"I had water in my lungs I didn't go deaf." I scowled. I was still alive but now I was certain of it, I wasn't sure if I should be thankful or not. Nothing is clear when you're alive, it's all guess work.

Kester kept asking me questions. How did I fall in the river? Did I actually fall? Why was I up on the tower? What was I down at the docks for anyway? _Bla bla bla_... I ignored him, wanting nothing more than to pull the hospital sheets over my head and hide forever. Through the window in the door I could see the nurse talking to everyone. I was surprised when I saw them here. And I knew as soon as Kester was done here they'd all be in and asking questions. I couldn't deal with it. Not yet.  
"Can you, give me five minutes to myself? I need a wee."  
Kester sighed. "Five minutes. The your family can come and talk to you, but then we have to speak. OK?"  
"OK."

Kester left as I climbed to my feet and headed into the small bathroom. One thing came in use, having been in this hospital before. The bathroom's had windows and we were on the ground floor. I pulled the toilet lid down and stood on it, opening the window just far enough for me to climb out. Once my feet touched the ground I felt the cool wind whip around my legs. Hospital gowns are not the best thing to wear outdoors. I thought about heading home and just waiting for someone to come back and fine me but I knew mum would only drag me back to the hospital. Instead I went somewhere I knew I could stay for a while.

* * *

"Rae!"  
"Teddy." I smiled up at Finn's forgetful dad.  
"Sorry about that. I'll have to remember you're the shorter one." He smiled. "What's this about then?" He pointed to the gown.  
"Uh, fancy dress party. Finn said he had some fake blood from last Halloween I could borrow."  
"Oh right. I thought Finn was with you actually."  
"He was. He had something to do though, so he said I should wait in his room for him...If that's OK with you obviously."  
"Of course it is, go on up."  
"Thanks."

I smiled, heading inside, amazed he'd bought the fancy dress lie. I closed the door to Finn's room behind me, smiling at the fact I could be completely alone for a while. I crossed the room to his bed, finding the note I'd sent still there. I picked it up as I sat down, re-reading my words. I shook my head at myself scrunching the paper up into a ball and tossing it into Finn's bin. I lay down, letting my eyes fall closed.

* * *

When I woke up, Finn was lay on his back beside me. His eyes were closed but I didn't think he was asleep. I watched him for a moment before starting the inevitable.  
"Finn?" His eyes shot open immediately and he turned his head to face me. He opened his mouth to talk but stopped himself. "I'm sorry." I whispered.  
"No." He rolled onto his side, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. "You have nothing to be sorry for. The only one who should be sorry are the ones who've ever put you down and make you feel like shit."

We lay like that for a while, just holding and comforting each other. Both of us cried but neither of us would let the other look at us.  
"Rae punched Lucy in the face." Finn murmured into my hair.  
"What?" I pulled back from him so I could see him properly. There was dried blood around his left nostril and the inside of his left eye was starting to bruise.  
"When we realized you were gone we ran out of the hospital. Down the street was Lucy. I had mentioned to Rae about her bullying you at school and she already knew about in the pub. And I said that I saw her follow you from my house. I said I wish I could hit her but I can't cause she's a girl. So Rae did it instead."  
"What did mum say?"  
"She told her to hurry up so they could get in the car and see if you were at home." We both chuckled at the thought. "I called you mum. I just said I'd drive you home when you woke up."  
"Thanks." I sighed. "I'm sorry about everything Finn."  
"Teddy-"  
"No. I know you said I shouldn't be but I should. I should've realized that you weren't pitying me. I should've realized just how great I had it rather than listening to Lucy."  
"Just...Realize it now."  
"And sorry for punching you." Finn laughed. "You know you're getting better at speaking."  
"Yeah." Finn smiled. "Not amazing though. Did you, er...Finish the CD?"  
"No. I only got to Morning Glory."  
"You should listen to the rest."  
"I will." I sat up, pushing my hair from my face. "I should probably get home before mum tears her hair out."  
"I'll drive you in my dad's car."

We stood from the bed and Finn pulled out a long checked shirt from his wardrobe. He draped it over my shoulders, smiling softly as we left the house. When we pulled up at home, before I got out of the car I turned back to Finn.  
"Thanks for saving me."


	9. Finally

**Title -** _Sunshine Follows Thunder_  
 **Chapter title -** _Finally_  
 **Author -** _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -** _Romance/Drama_  
 **Disclaimer -** _I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy._

* * *

Mum subjected me to a very long rant about my running away from the hospital. My excuses of not wanting to be in another hospital bed didn't seem to go down well. She asked if I jumped. At which point Rae's eyes were on me. I said no, insisting I was clearing my head but fell. Mum bought it, Rae smiled but I could tell she didn't believe me. Mum called Kester and promised to take me back to the hospital in the morning, saying I just wanted to sleep tonight.  
Rae dragged me into her bedroom, stopping me from changing out of the hospital gown I was still wearing. We sat on opposite ends of the bed, just watching each other.  
"You didn't fall did you?"  
"I did actually. But...I wanted to." I sighed. "I was working up the courage to jump and then Finn said my name. I didn't hear him come up and he made me jump. I turned around to face him but missed my footing and fell."  
"Why though?"  
"You know how Kester is always saying it can just be one little thing that can cause a relapse?"  
"What was it?"  
"Remember I told you about Lucy? I saw her this morning. She just made me feel so crap. Exactly how I used to feel at school." I sighed once more. "Just sometimes people say things and I believe them."  
"And what about now? Do you wish you were still at the bottom of the river?"  
"No. I realized when I was unconscious just how lucky I was with the friends I have."

* * *

Eventually at quarter to eleven I was back in my own room. I found out my headphones, plugging them into my CD player and hitting play. I skipped past Morning Glory and listened. There were a few good songs we'd both talked about before. Some Pulp, some Stone Roses, etc. Then the song I least expected started to play.  
 _"You with the sad eyes. Don't be discouraged. Oh I realize. It's hard to take courage, in a world full of people. You can lose sight of it all. And the darkness inside you, can make you feel so small."_  
Finn was not the type of person I thought of when listening to Cyndi Lauper. I personally thought Cyndi Lauper was great but not so many music lovers around me agreed. * _Cough_ *Rae* _Cough_ *. True Colours was a song I knew of but, again had never paid attention to the message in the lyrics. That first verse said alot alone.  
 _"But I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that's why I love you. So don't be afraid to let them show. Your true colors, true colors are beautiful. Like a rainbow."_  
Did he mean for me to get a message from this song? A message more than being myself and being happy. It said, ' _and that's why I love you_ '. Is that something he knows is there and wants me to hear or just a coincidence?  
 _"Show me a smile then, don't be unhappy. Can't remember when I last saw you laughing. If this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear. You call me up. Because you know I'll be there."_

* * *

I made sure mum and Karim were in bed before sneaking downstairs. I lifted the house phone from the receiver and dialed in Finn's number. His dad answered on the third ring.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi. Sorry about the time but I really need to talk to Finn, it's urgent."  
"I'll see if he's awake." His dad sounded annoyed but reluctant to be rude over the phone.

A few minutes later and a sleepy voice drifted through the receiver.  
"Yeah?"  
"It's Teddy."  
"Ted? What's up, has something happened?" His voice was now so alert and I couldn't help but feel a sense of smugness that it was me who caused it.  
"No. Well, yes. I finished listening to the CD."  
"Oh..."  
"The last song...Cyndi Lauper."  
"Yeah."  
"Not what I was expecting from you."  
"Did you get what I wanted to say though." He even sounded awkward on the phone.  
"That's why I'm calling. I'm kind of dense." A chuckle straight into my ear. "I got the 'be yourself' message."  
"Good."  
"But...There are some other lyrics I was confused about."  
"Which?" I could practically hear the smirk in his voice now.  
" _I see your true colours and that's why I love you_..." I sung in a soft low voice, so as not to wake anyone up.  
"You have a really beautiful voice, y'know." I blushed, thankful he couldn't see me. "And the lyrics are self explanatory."  
"Really?"  
"Mm hmm."  
"Right." I struggled to keep my voice calm. "You going to the pub tomorrow?"  
"Uh...Yeah." I could tell that wasn't what he was expecting me to say.  
"Right. I'll see you there. I have a surprise."  
"What kind of surprise?"  
"The secret kind. I have to see Kester in the morning but I'll make sure I'll be at the pub in the evening...See you, Finn."  
"See you Teddy."

I made one more call that evening to Archie, who was luckily still wide awake. After that I went back to bed with a huge smile and my heart practically overflowing.

* * *

"Rae are you going to see the gang?" I asked as I dressed.  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Can you do me a favour and tell Finn that if anyone asks, I fell by accident. I don't want people thinking I'm sick again." I pulled on my black converse and left my bedroom, meeting Rae on the landing.  
"Sure. But just so you know, they'd all be there for you."  
"I know. I just don't want them to think they need to be." I smiled. "I've got you and I've got Finn. If I need anyone else, I'll ask for their help."  
"Will you though? You seem to have this thing where you don't want people thinking you're weak."  
"I'm not weak. But honestly, if I need help, I'll ask. I promise."

* * *

"You're adamant you fell, then?" Kester didn't believe me but there wasn't much he could do about it.  
"I did. I know you don't believe me. I don't care."  
"Teddy...You said you were up there clearing your head. Why?"  
"I felt crap."  
"Elaborate. Please."  
I sighed, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. "I bumped into a dick from school and she made me feel like I used to. Then she made me think I was on my own so I went up there to get her out of my head. OK?"  
"I can't help you unless you are completely honest with me."  
I stood from my seat, moving to sit on the window sill. "Alright. I believed everything she said and _yes_ I went up there with the intention of throwing myself off. I had second thoughts and then Finn showed up and scared me. I missed my footing and fell and if I have to explain that to one more person I'm going to tear my hair out."  
"And how do you feel now? Do you still believe things she said?"  
"No...When I was unconscious I remembered all the fun I've had since I came to Stamford. I have a fantastic sister and a mum who, does her best. Even Karim is pretty cool. I've got closer to Finn than I ever have with any other person before. Chop is such a laugh and a great friend, Izzy's fantastic, Chloe is brilliant and Archie is wicked. He didn't even shout at me when I called him at quarter past twelve this morning."  
"Why the early phone call?"  
"I needed to ask him a favour."  
"Oh?"  
"I'm gonna perform at the pub." I grinned. Yeah, I actually smiled at the thought of getting on stage in front of a pub full of people.  
"Are you ready for that?"  
"I think so. Everyone will be there to support me if I'm not."

* * *

I had to quickly go back home to pick up my guitar before heading to the pub. Archie met me outside, smiling and embracing me in a hug when he saw me.  
"How are you?"  
"I'm good. Nervous but, good."  
"You'll be fine. C'mon, we'll go around the back."

Archie lead me around to the back door of the pub and inside behind the stage.  
"Do you want to go now or would you like a drink first?"  
"I'll go now before I throw up." From my position, I could see the gang sat in our usual spot. Finn was on the sofa style seat against the wall beside Chop. He kept looking at the door and then at the clock on the wall as though he were waiting for someone. I hoped it was me he was waiting for.

Archie stepped up onto the stage receiving a brief applause. I noticed the gang frown, not expecting a performance from their spectacled friend.  
"Uh, I'm not performing tonight. But a good friend of mine is. She's a bit shy so be nice. Teddy..."  
I climbed up onto the stage kissing Archie on the cheek and pulling the small wooden stool closer to the mic.  
"I'm Teddy and I'm going to do a song that came out last year. It's for some friends of mine..." I trailed off as I clutched the neck of my guitar tightly, unable to look anyone in the eye. I strummed the first chord of the song, looking down at my hands before beginning to sing.

 _"Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you. By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now_." I could see a few people I didn't recognize singing along to the popular song. " _Back beat the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now."_  
I glanced up at Rae, who was beaming, as I sung the next part. " _And all the roads we have to walk are winding. And all the lights that lead us there are blinding._ " She nodded in understanding.  
I turned my focus for the first time to Finn. His dark eyes were trained on me, never flicking away." _There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how._ " The corners of his mouth turned upwards a little. " _Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my wonderwall_." His mouth spread into a fully fledged smile now, obviously seeing I truly meant the words even though I didn't write them.  
" _Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you. By now you should've somehow realized what you're not to do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now._ "

I finished the song, amazed when the pub erupted into a round of applause for my performance. I thanked everyone and dissapeared off the side of the stage. I told Archie to tell everyone I'd be back soon and that I was just dropping my guitar off at home. I so wanted to just run over to Finn and kiss him but I managed to stay calm and do what needed to be done.

* * *

I only got two streets away from the pub when I heard a familiar voice call my name. Hiding a smile I stopped walking and turned to see Finn running over. He smiled when he came to a stop.  
"Did you mean that?" He gestured behind him, to the pub.  
"Yeah." I smiled, looking down to my feet.  
"Good."

He stepped closer pressing the palm of one hand to my cheek. He leant forward until his soft lips met mine in a long awaited kiss. My stomach flipped but in the most pleasant of ways as he pulled away with a small smirk.  
"I'll walk with you." He said in a low voice.

We walked together in a comfortable silence before Finn spoke.  
"How was your session this morning?"  
"Good. I told Kester the truth abut why I was at the docks. But I also told him some stuff about when I was unconscious and he doesn't think I need to be back in hospital."  
Finn breath a sigh of relief. "Thank god. I though he was going to put you in hospital."  
"Thank god?"  
"Well...You know..."  
"No?"  
"I just managed to sort of tell you how I felt about you and I didn't want you to be taken away from me."

I stopped walking when I heard his words. That was the most Finn had ever actually said out loud about how he felt.  
"Sorry." He looked away, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.  
"Don't be. You don't talk much but when you do it's nice."  
"Guess I'll save whatever needs saying for you then."


End file.
